Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
