The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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