Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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