out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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