Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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