i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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