I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
