I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
