you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
