I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
