my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
