Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
