I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
