get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
