watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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