my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
