I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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