Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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