yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
