he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
