How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
