I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
