Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
