just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
