Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
