YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
