Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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