it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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