omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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