Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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