You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
