This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
