A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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