So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
