Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize