Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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