Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
