Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
