Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
