Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
