So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
did i just pee glitter
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
