so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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