dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
