her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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