Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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