Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize