My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
