Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
