In the future we'll all be gay
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
