So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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