she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
