I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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