I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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