I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
