My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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