Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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