Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
