im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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