in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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