you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
