I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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