sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
