Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
