I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
