I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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