I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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