I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
