if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize