and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
