i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
