Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
