How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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