I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
