So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
