I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
