You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
