I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He shit in the fireplace
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
