I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
