Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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