I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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