tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Randomize
