You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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