ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i think im in europe. pls send help
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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