I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
