I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
