I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
