Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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