Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
