I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
