went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
