Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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