there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
