Only a mothe r could love this liver
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
